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Friday, February 23, 2007

In a Funk

I've just been in a funk lately. I'm not sure how to pull myself out of it. I know part of it is I'm just too dang tired. I get about 4 1/2 hours of sleep a night and if I'm lucky I might get a total of one hour more with little mini naps through out the day. Erica used to sleep until around 8:00 each morning so after I fed Parker breakfast around 6:30 I would put him in the playpen and he would play while I napped on the couch. But Erica has given up on that early morning nap now. I try to get a short nap in during the afternoon while they take their naps but again it's not enough. Erica is a short napper now and will only sleep a maximum of 45 minutes. By the time I get lunch dishes done and maybe spend a little time with my daughter, Erica is awake again and I can't take a nap. Yesterday I got 20 minutes. Today I got 15. I'm still working 6 days a week at Marriott. During the week I'm there 30 hours and I try to pick up at least 3-4 hours on the weekend. Tomorrow I'm working an 8 1/2 hour shift. They are offering an extra $2 per hour incentive from 7-midnight though so I will get a little more money. I just hope I can keep doing this. I only have Erica and Parker until the end of May but then I will have to pick up more hours at Marriott to make up for loosing the income from them. I just hope the next 2 years goes by fast. Once we are done with this freakin, outrageous child support our life might be a little more normal again.

Before all of you who get child support jump on me, I know child support is a necessity but it just pisses me off so much that she got away with only being ordered to pay us $50 a month for the last 6 years and didn't always pay that and we are stuck with having to pay her $580 a month. In Nebraska you are a minor until you are 19 years old so we will have to pay her for 2 more years. I won't stay on my soap box about this. I just get so angry and frustrated with it.

I've also got to look at other means to get out to Washington this summer. We don't have the money to get my car fixed. I don't want to risk driving 2000 miles with the check engine light on. I will probably just end up renting a car. I've got an entertainment card and can get a discount through a couple of car rental places. The train, plane and bus are all around the same price and I would still need a car to get around once I got out there so it just makes sense to rent one. Not going to Washington isn't an option. My grandfather is doing worse and I'm just hoping he holds on until I get out there to see him again. Both of my grandma's are in poor health too. Plus my niece is getting married.

We are supposed to get a big snow storm Sat. night. I may end up having to stay at work if we get the 7-12 inches they are predicting. I'm scheduled to work until 2:30 am and I won't risk driving home if it's too bad. There are some booths in the lunch room so I will just pack a blanket in my car in case it gets too bad.

I did take the kids to the zoo for an hour and a half the other day. They really enjoyed it, so did I :)

Alright I've got to get off here now. I've been on too long as it is. Erica is in the living room in the bouncy seat getting mad at me and I need to get Parker up because his dad will be here in about 20 minutes to get them.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I get that way a lot. I am in pain all of the time. 24 hours a day. Since I am taking a med that is 1/10th as strong as I had, and taking less than the prescried dose of that, the pain never leaves me alone.

So I spend a lot of time looking at how awesome my life really is; how gracious my Higher Power is. I had no garauntee that I would even walk after the 1st of my 5 surgeries. I went into cardiac arrest for 32 seconds on the 5th, with no adverse effects that we can see. And if that all weren't enough (and it is), I have the most beautiful wife and kids.

My family has all but abandoned me, with very little exception. My mother and I are on talking terms, that's it. I have been alone most of my life, with no support from anyone or anything, I lived from garbage cans; a lot. IT was a struggle to live, to eat, find shelter. Now I have a nuclear family that loves me, supports me in almost everything I do. I have a wonderful home and a warm bed and 3 meals a day. I have clothing and most of all, I love myself and my life.

When I was 17, a Dr. told my parents that I would never finish High School. He said I was a danger to myself and to society. He diagnosed me wih severe antisocial disorders. Today I have been graced by God with a technology degree and grad hours in both tech and Bible. I have all a man could want.

God never told us it would be easy, but HE promised us peace that passes all understanding. It might be frustrating for you to see me sit calmly and watch all this happen. Now you know why. If ever a man had it all, that man would have to be me. It doesn't mean I don't suffer, I just don't stay there, when I think of you and Jordie and all God has given us as a family.